porn? potato!
I called my friend (and fantastic comic book artist) Tony Akins about a week ago to say hey and hear about life in Chicago. (Oh, Chicago Cubs, when will you stop breaking my heart?) And he simply stated, “Your Spanish must be excellent at this point.” Sorry doll, I have to disagree with you there. I can order food, talk about going to the states, even explain my ethnicity with no problem, but there are times when I make a small mistake and boom! start from scratch.
Case in point: Thursday afternoon, a handful of kids from my 6th grade class knock on the door. I open the door and see them sitting outside on the ground and they are silent and looking awkward.
K: Hi…?
6th: Hey….do you have…one of those things?
K: What?
6th: You know, one of those things that a person needs.
K: [Confused look on face]
6th: The thing that you use…
K (thinking): Is this happening? Am I listening correctly?
6th: We heard…(laughing)
K: What do you guys need?
Brayan: (pulling out wallet) This! This is what we need (opens up wallet and shows me an unused condom).
K (thought process/freak out in head): Dude, you are 12 years old. You don’t have a girlfriend. Are you just carrying that around as some sort of status symbol? Still, you’re freaking me out. How am I ever going to be able to give you sex ed charlas without feeling like a parent? Or worse, a whore because I ‘have the information’? And why are you coming to me asking for condoms? Do I have some sort of rep as the condom girl? Or maybe it’s a good thing that you’re coming to me, because you feel as though you are comfortable enough with me to ask questions. I should be helping you, right? Dang Brayan, you are 12!
Brayan: We need one of these.
K: For what? No way!
The aforementioned statement in Spanish is ‘Por? No, papa!’…but I said it in a way that sounded more like ‘porno papa’ (porn potato) and the kids called me on it. They started asking, “What’s porn?”
That’s when I told them that if they want some condoms, they could go to the health center and get them because they are cheap and available. I have to get cracking on those sex ed charlas soon. As for the explanation of porn, I didn’t even get to that. They booked as soon as I told them that the health center had condoms.
So there you go Tony Akins, again with the potatoes.
Case in point: Thursday afternoon, a handful of kids from my 6th grade class knock on the door. I open the door and see them sitting outside on the ground and they are silent and looking awkward.
K: Hi…?
6th: Hey….do you have…one of those things?
K: What?
6th: You know, one of those things that a person needs.
K: [Confused look on face]
6th: The thing that you use…
K (thinking): Is this happening? Am I listening correctly?
6th: We heard…(laughing)
K: What do you guys need?
Brayan: (pulling out wallet) This! This is what we need (opens up wallet and shows me an unused condom).
K (thought process/freak out in head): Dude, you are 12 years old. You don’t have a girlfriend. Are you just carrying that around as some sort of status symbol? Still, you’re freaking me out. How am I ever going to be able to give you sex ed charlas without feeling like a parent? Or worse, a whore because I ‘have the information’? And why are you coming to me asking for condoms? Do I have some sort of rep as the condom girl? Or maybe it’s a good thing that you’re coming to me, because you feel as though you are comfortable enough with me to ask questions. I should be helping you, right? Dang Brayan, you are 12!
Brayan: We need one of these.
K: For what? No way!
The aforementioned statement in Spanish is ‘Por? No, papa!’…but I said it in a way that sounded more like ‘porno papa’ (porn potato) and the kids called me on it. They started asking, “What’s porn?”
That’s when I told them that if they want some condoms, they could go to the health center and get them because they are cheap and available. I have to get cracking on those sex ed charlas soon. As for the explanation of porn, I didn’t even get to that. They booked as soon as I told them that the health center had condoms.
So there you go Tony Akins, again with the potatoes.
posted by Kathryn @ 7:04 PM
1 Comments:
At 11:41 PM,
Tony Akins said…
K,
I'm shocked and possibly delirious at being mentioned so prominently in an entry so filled with porn and potatoes. Couldn't you work some whipped cream or honey into the narrative?
No, maybe better you didn't I guess.
Tell them porn is how potatoes make spuds.
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